this story never had an end

fuck that dude

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 23:24:08 GMT

can you believe im actually writing agian? oh well.

fuck chris, that fags in jail, grabbin his ankles wishin he didnt ever come face to face with me on that stupid night. too bad for him.

i tell people about my phsycotic ex, and they ask if hes got a bf. i tell them i really dont know, but ill bet he does. since hes a fag.

what kinda guy doesnt have an orgasm during sex?
a fag one. because i was a female, and he only likes the PEN0R.

i was just reading about how much time i wasted on his punk ass, just to come face to face with a kitchen knife, and his fist. haha what a dumbass. i hope when he gets out, he tries some shit. and i hope this time he actually hurts me with whatever weapon he ends up bringing, cause that bitch will be back in prison for life. 3 strikes law bitch. i dont know ANY 20 year olds that already have 2 felonies against them, but im waiting for that 3rd one, so i can FINALLY rest. ill be able to sleep in bed at night knowing everythings A-OKAY cause his punkass will be behind bars. prolly holding his boyfriend and telling him he loves him. hahaha oh man. im feeling pretty pissed right now... so i had to end this lj with this :]

oh yeah.... and if you and any of your lame-loser-loner-outcast-freak-drop-out friends of yours read this, i want them to know zack and i will be celebrating our 1 year in less then a month. we're living together, and i can almost PROMISE that none of you fags will find us.

we're happy :]

myspace is down

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 02:31:03 GMT

man. this sucks. anyway... everything has been going okay. not too bad. i have my license. a car. a job. a new computer, i got yesterday. and im enrolled at grcc. excitement.

WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?
i dont know.

i think i am. im jus slow at catching up with the things around me. maybe once school starts, i will be able to adapt to happyness... lol. im such a nerd.

amber dawn

okay wow again.

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 21:16:20 GMT

lol i take forever every time. im at work right now, and yeah... im bored. im waiting for joe to get back here, so he can pick me up, and i can get my permit.. .for like the 1092830928 time. the only reason i need it in the first place is so that i can practice, and for some reason if i get pulled over, i wont get my license taken away till im 21... that would totally suck. even tho by the looks of it, i wont get it till im 3129083 years old anyway. lol naw.. im trying! but yeah i love you char, i know your the only one that looks at this anyways. muah~

amber dawn

o m g

Thu, 19 May 2005 02:22:13 GMT

could this have been any longer? ive decided i should use LJ and MS cuz they both coo! lol tomorrow im finishing up shopping for prom, and looking at a 94 honda. i hope everything works out.
its been kinda crazy around here with all the senior crap needing to get done. lol only a few weeks till graduation! im soooo siked. ill also be 18. yay! allright, imma customize this again, its been this way for TOO LONG. lol

amber dawn

wow... been a freakin while

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 05:33:25 GMT

i know its been a long time.. and i hate to say it.. but ive gotten a MySpace. lol i love it too. anyways, im back to update. not too much to say really. im starting to work at abracadabra with joe a lot more now. its tues weds and thurs... and its like 4 hours a day.. at 10 bucks an hour... so like 120 a week? about that. i dont know. i need to get some clothes tho.. and i need to help save for a car. esp since chris jus got that mustang.. i need to keep up with him, and get a nicer one.. at least something newer. IF I CAN. goodness. but yeah, i jus saw constantine.. and it was really good. i think theyre gunna come out with another one. hmm what else?
oh yeah, the computer in my room in NB finally works. i dont gotta use my moms or chris's or my laptop.. i can jus use the puter thats allready in my room. yay! im so happy now. that way if something that im doing puts a virus or something on the puter im using.. it wont fuck with n e ones stuff. cuz chris plays a lot of games, and my mom works on hers. so yay! i love it too.. cuz its always open for me to use.. no ones on it. at least i hope not.. its right in my room. lol. i dont know why THIS is my room.. i dont sleep in it. i sleep in chris's room generally.. so i dont know what this is called. this is where all my clothes are. maybe thats why its my room? lol i dont know.
oh yeah!
i still dont know n e thing about my math class yet. i turned in like 3/4 of the work i was missing, and i still have some tests to do. other then that, i have SATs still, and some financial aid, then i think im ready to start applying. i hope i get into central. if i dont, im either going to greenriver, or bellevue.. jus depends on where im living. i HOPE i can get outta either of my houses.. but if i dont.. my mom mentioned moving back to covington. so if im there, ill be at greenriver... if chris and i are living in northbend.. then ill be at bellevue. lol i wouldnt mind bcc cuz ide go straight for the mall. oh yeah.. joe also offered me in the summer time, a full time job at his work. that means like 80$ a day. that would be awesome. oh yeah valentines day!
it was awesome. chris picked me up from school at 1230.. cuz thats when im out. he took me to oldnavy, and spent like 100 on me. i got a lot of new summer clothes n some panties :-D ooh la la. lol. then he took me to starbucks.. mmmm coffee.. i want some RIGHT NOW! (hes been doing that a lot lately.. well jus be hangin out.. and he doesnt even like coffee, but hell be like 'want some starbucks?' an djus get up and get me some. its awesome) but yeah, then we went to REPC a computer store in tukwila. n we went home... after resting up a bit before dinner ;-) i took a shower, then we went to the outback. it was great. really romantic.. i guess.i liked it. then we slept in... it was awesome. got my mind off a lot of shit.
well yeah.. i dont know what else to say. im bored outta my mind, and extremely tired. oh yeah i been reading a lot since i got my glasses.. on my 3rd book. yay! well im outtie.

wow.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 23:12:38 GMT

after about a year, or something... i finally did it.

im doing it.

im proud of myself for letting myself do it, but im going to miss like everything there ever was... and of course that "what if?" is still going to cross my mind, n i HATE it when that happens. i hate asking myself, 'what if'. but, what else was i suppose to do? hold on? i dont wanna hold on.. if theres nothing to hold on to. and im sad.

:-D prom in 02 was the best :-D

ok. i will live..

"At airports you see it all the time. When someones last goodbyes, blends in with someones sigh, cause someones comin home, and handed a single rose. That's the way this wheel keeps workin out." -John Mayer 'Heavier Things' #10 at 0:48

"If you never stop when you wave goodbye, you might just find, that if you give it time, you will wave hello again. That's the way this wheel keeps workin out." -John Mayer 'Heavier Things' #10 at 3:55

"i jus called to feel you on the line. dont hang up this time." -more of JM... as always. he speaks my heart!

im gunna miss soooooooooooooooooooooooo much of everything. you have NO idea. i wish it woulda worked out differently, but it didn't. you can't control that sorta thing. so yeah.

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 16:57:40 GMT

ok its still not as good and what i want it to be, but its getting there... lol im so dumb sometimes! lol n e ways, imma finish this up later, maybe in another class, after school, or when i get home. either way i gotta talk to char so i will do it later.

sorry i havent been updating, imma retard. i need to go comment on my frends too.. cuz i havent been able to. but yeah i will be back

a.m dizzle

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 01:39:56 GMT

im married to tom brady, because hes a cutie.

lol i wish.

o m g FINALS :-(

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 00:24:18 GMT

jus one more day of first semester, senior year. im so happy that its almost over. imma miss everyone but i mean cmon.. i cant wait to leave foster. i had fun... for the 4 years... i guess.... but most of it was drama. not just your normal highschool drama either... im talking SHIT TALKERS and CHEATING ASSHOLES sorta thing. these kids are mercyless. they couldnt care less about people. anyways, im jus happy its almost over. anyways, i jus got to my mommas work. its like 420 and its almost time to go. (and almost time for stoners to get stoned! :-D) but yeah, i think imma go soon. if i dont update more tonight, or reply to comments tonight, sry, im workin on my math. infact, ill prolly even sleep on the car ride home, so i can stay up tonight to do math stuffs. crazy go nuts i know.

oh yeah... and after tomorrow... not another day of PE or ENGLISH again! YES.

(unless i take english in college. which i might :-D)

a.m dizzle

praying

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 23:48:33 GMT

i pray to GOD i pass my math class.

if i dont... someone shoot me.

:-D

yay for LJ surveys!

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 23:25:56 GMT

01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.

02. I will then tell what song[s], if any, remind me of you.

03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.

04. Last, i will try to name a single word that best describes you.

05. Put this in your journal

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 00:33:34 GMT

i feel sick. like, pukey sick. i think the weather is making me feel dumb and stupid. not like literally, but more like sad. all the grey makes me feel grey.

i dont like my new glasses.

i look like a nerd, and i dont even get the perks.
like good grades, or a palm pilot thing.

i need a fill on my nails.

and im hungry.

i feel like bitching some more.

friday i have dinner reservations with some of chris's family at like 5 at claim jumpers. im excited, cuz i like claim jumpers. now that chris can drive his mustang :-D hes going to come get me from school or the mall, then were gunna return my HU-MUNGO coat for a smaller size, then maybe a movie, and then dinner. it will be like a date thing. yay... finally. a date. i havent had one of those in like years.

literally.

i cant wait for prom n stuff. im going to have a date. i dont care.. i need to show up with a male that doesnt attend FHS. its a must. and i want charlotte to go somehow. second semester better be fun. i think it will be really fun if i pass my math class. cuz ill be at the beach, and the sun will be out, and ill be havin fun. for somereason i think i have more money in the summer time, cuz i always seem to be shopping, and getting new clothes. hehe. i love new clothes they make me feel so happy inside. summer and the sun better be fun... or imma have to kick some asses.

i jus did my project on suicide. i got a 138 outta 150.. not sure what the 12 points were, but im sure i didnt deserve them. haha, i didnt have to do much work. the teach gave us 2 whole weeks to work on it, everyday in class, and i used like 2 of the days, and got the project done. the other days, me n the gurls like meggies went to eat n shopping during that class, cuz its right before lunch, so its almost like we had a long ass lunch time. one of the days we went to dicks. yay for dicks.

i want dicks.

im gunna leave before i say something that sounds gross, when i didnt mean it like that.

oops. too late.

a.m dizzle

aqua teen kicks radical ass

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 00:02:22 GMT

my name is....Shake-zula, the mic rulah, the old schoolah.
You wanna trip, I'll bring it to ya!

Frylock and I'm on top, rock you like a cop.

Meatwad you're up next, with your knock-knock.
Meatwad make the money see. Meatwad get the honeys G.
Drivin in my car, livin' like a star.
Ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus Ha

check-check it, yeah 'Cuz we are tha Aqua Teenz,
make the homeys say ho 'n the girlies wanna scream!

'Cuz we are tha Aqua Teenz, make the homeys say ho
'n the girlies wanna scream!

Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Numba one in tha hood, G!

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 16:45:31 GMT

its time.

if i dont go to a show soon, i will die.

its time.

a.m dizzle

where the fuck is ally nowadays?!

DoOoOoOoO this... peas?

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 01:13:38 GMT

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. ask me anything you want. then i want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

w00t w00t 05!

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 22:57:10 GMT

yes finally the year i graduate! i love this year! i hope its a good year, cuz that would be great.now tha tmost of the school years over, that means its ALMOST spring... second semester is the best. esp since like no one has a fourth period, which means we wouldnt have to skip like last year. haha. we use to cut 4th period to go to the beach and hang out. now we dont gotta :-D. its gunna be the best. i jus know imma miss everyone after we graduate. i hope i dont cry. lol. i prolly will, imma cry baby. but im told that a lot of ppl are tryna go to cenrtal wa next year, so that would be cool. cuz i know megan and i are really trying to get in, and ally said shes gunna. but lately shes been talking about going to a school in montana. and a frend from school, michael w said that some other guys are tryna go too.. so it wouldnt be too many ppl im missing. except for anna. im so scared that im never gunna see her again. shes trying her hadest to get into eastern. i hope she makes it, that would really help her out. HECKS YES! jt jus came on :-D 'you were my sun, you were my earth. but you didnt know all the ways i loved you... noooo'. hehe hes so BOMB. but yeah last night was a fun way to bring in the new year. sorta.. lol i wasnt like at a party like i shouldve been, but i was hangin out with chris n jeff... n i had to watch jeremey cuz my mom n joe went to a party. lol last week or the week before that i asked my mom if she could give me a ride the day after new years, and she goes 'i dunno amber, imma be really hungover..' lol. i thought that was hilarious. mostly cuz my mom never drinks that much, and becuz thats like never her. but yeah chris n i got our frend david to get us some bitch beer, to get some what of a buzz, cuz yeah it was pretty lame. BUT i was killin ppl left n right in halo2. haha. im gettin better. i was also playin amped2, snowboarding game thing. i heard that megan ally n charlotte hung out together at chars. i wish i couldve gone there! but yeah, anna called me from a party at like 1 to wish me a happy new years.. i was so happy! she said she was having an okay time. so thats good, better then being alone! and since i was here, i had someone to kiss at midnight. lol funny thing... we were playin halo2, and didnt realize what time it was till like 11:55 n im like "turn it off!!! we gotta watch the space needle!" lol a few years ago, i was at a house where i could see the space needle without watchin tv, it was pretty cool. one of these years i wanna go into seattle, and watch it. or like get up there in the space needle, and instead of watch the spaceneedle, watch the people freak out about it... if you can do that.. wow n e ways! today joe n jeremey went skiing, and chris is at work. since we were up til 5, and he had to work from 9-3 hes pretty pissed and tired. so when he gets home, hes goin to bed, n ill prolly lay down too. he should be here soon, its like 2:53. then we'll wake up tonight, like always. n when i do, ill get online, n do something. maybe play with lj backgrounds. but yeah, ill get on later :-)

a.m dizzle

im weak. its true. cuz im afraid to know the answer.

ouch.

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 01:53:28 GMT

thats been the word of the day.... ouch. my whole upper half of my body is completely sore. i went snowboarding yesterday with chris jeremey and joe. my mom didnt wanna go, she said it wasnt 'her thing'. so yeah, we went up to mt baker and had a blast. it was a pain in the ass to get up at first. i was all strapped into my board and couldnt get up. i kept falling everytime i tried. then i got really frusterated and pissed off, and jus did it as hard as i could, n got up. after having chris, my savior ;-), help me up like a thousand times, i got it on my own, and was boardin down the mountain. hehe it was dope, were suppose to go again in a few days. since chris jus got a mustang, hes gunna get his license, and were gunna go to the summit as much as we can... thats when he gets his license and the summit opens. him and i both have passes. cuz jus such a great guy, he baught them both for us :-). im excited. i was afraid i wouldnt like it, but i love it. not to mention the number of young people there. esp hotties :-D. i cant wait to go again. i jus hope its not as hard the second time as the first. cuz that was really frusterating. after i could get up, without chris's help, it made it a lot easier to jus cruise. it was fun! but yeah tonight i think chris and i will be going bowling. i hope i kick some ass tonight, i havent been too good. like last time i sucked and got my ass whooped. and my arms are sore this time, so its prolly gunna suck even more. meh. at least i got my nails done today, that was fun. hehe. their cute too. but yeah it jus said someone has been on my name, so i think imma go change my password,... and if one other person tries to get on, imma be pissed. i hate it when i loose everything. its gay how people try to hack. esp if i havent done n e thing to them. meh. ill be on later. :-*

a.m dizzle

i wanna do naughty things with jrt... n i wanna have his babies :-D

relate.

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 19:29:27 GMT

.............................................................................................................................................

i want to go home,
nobodys home
thats where i lie, broken inside.
no place to go, no place to go.
to dry my eyes, broken inside.
im lost inside lost inside.
oh oh.
lost inside lost inside.
oh oh.

.............................................................................................................................................

sunday mornin, i never wanna leave.

.............................................................................................................................................

i wont talk, i wont breathe.
i wont move till you finally see that you belong with me.
you might think i dont look,
but deep inside the corner of my mind, im attached to you.
im weak, its true.
cuz im afraid to know the answer.
do you want me too?
cuz my heart keeps falling faster.
ive waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so i will no hide, its time to try n e thing to be with you.
all my life ive waited this is true.
u dont know what you do,
everytime you walk into the room
im afraid to move.
im weak its true. im too scared to know the answer.
do you see me too?
do you even know you met me?

.............................................................................................................................................

u remind me of the times when i knew who i was.
still the second hand will catch us like it always does.

my hands are at your throat and i think i hate you.
but we'll say 'remember when' like we always do.
jus like we always do.

.............................................................................................................................................

heres the thing,
we started out frends.
it was cool, but it was all pretend.

how can i put it, you put me on.
i even fell for that STUPID love song.

.............................................................................................................................................

lets go back, back to the begining.
back to when the earth the sun, the stars all alined.
cuz perfect, made me feel so perfect.
tryna fit a square into a circle was my life.

im comin clean.

im shedding every color, tryna find a pigment of truth beneath my skin
cuz different, doesnt feel so different.
going out is better then always stayin in.

.............................................................................................................................................

you wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears.
why did you have to go?

dont try to tell me what to do, what to say.
better off that way.

get outta my head, get off of my bed. yeah thats what i said.

.............................................................................................................................................

and shes so pretty and shes so sure,
maybe im more clever then a gurl like her.

maybe im a little bit over my head
i come undone at the things he said
n he's so funny in his bright red shirt
we were all in love and we all got hurt

my first time, hard to explain
rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
on a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
he's my first mistake

.............................................................................................................................................

aww you see that skin, its the same shes been standin in.
since the day she saw him walkin away, now shes left cleanin up the mess he made.

all that you can break, you find out how much they can take.

.............................................................................................................................................

u say hello, inside im screamin i love you,
you say goodnight, in my mind im sleepin next to you
you drive away from my car crash of a heart.
but i dont know, but you gave me the bext mix tap i have.
even the best songs sound so bare.

u talk to her, and it burns me like the sun
you talk to him, you say you feel like shes the one
i talk to me, but you cant hear the pain i feel.
but you dont know.

im not the same person from back in the day.

.............................................................................................................................................

put the past away,
i wish you would step from the ledge my frend
cut ties from all the lies youve been livin in.
n if you dont wanna see me again, i would understand.

.............................................................................................................................................

how come i never hear you say "i jus wanna be with you"?

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 18:23:47 GMT

today i get to go shopping. im really excited, cuz i got the money for it. if everything works out, chris and i will be goin to the mall in northbend, and imma get these cute burton pants and then i gotta get my SS a gift. other then that, i dont need to do n e more shopping. chris is also gettin a hair cute, and i might get my nails done while hes doin that. but then again i might wait till my momma goes in for her waxing. so i dunno whats up for all of today. i think tonight me chris jeff n jeremy are gunna go bowling. ide like that, i went the other day, and had a good time. i beat chris n jeff that night. it was exciting, cuz im not a winner lol most of the time, and i won! it was cool. haha. but yeah i should go. im bored here. if i think of somethin else to say, ill update!

a.m dizzle

...i guess you never felt that way,
but since you been gone..
i cant breathe for the first time.

thanks to you now i get what i want.
you had your chance you blew it,
outta sight outta mind.
shut ur mouth, i jus cant take it
again and again and again.

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 17:30:43 GMT

i dunno if this is going to work, but its worth a shot! hehe.

url {http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v475/chicky_nugs/thegurls.bmp)

its a thing of ally, megan, me and charlotte. arent we cute? hehe

k..real ENTRY!

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 06:19:33 GMT

ok, now i can actually update. yay for christmas! i had so much fun handing out what i got everyone. i got my mom this really cute necklace and earings that match, with a wallet she had been wantin, i got joe (my moms bf) 3 ties that were really nice, cuz hes a suit and tie kinda guy,and i got jeremy these magic cards, that still havent came in the mail, and i got chris some cologne and the family guy season 3. lol that fucker got a mustang! my mom n his dad got him a 93 white, lol 4 cylinder, mustang. im so excited. hes gunna be takin me everywhere... its okay tho, cuz he loves me enough to chauffer me around. lol he knows he wants me n that car when hes drivin around. its a 5 speed. hes goin in on monday to get his license, and then insureance whenever. but yeah n e ways that was fun. everyone liked what they got. i was happy about that, i had been workin really hard at joes office to make money for all that, cuz that money doesnt jus come outta no where. haha. oh yeah, so what I got. hehe. my mommy got me a robe, some slippers, makeup, a purse with a wallet inside, a cute shirt, some snow boarding goggles, and joe got me a 200 gift certificate for gene juarez. im so excited about that one! my mom got the same thing (200$ for GJ) from her boss, so were gunna be able to go together! im excited to get my nails done, i havent done that in a while. and im going to use some of the money that i got for christmas to get some snowboarding pants. really cute and they fit my really good. i cant wait to go to the mountains. lol like im too far or something. im right around the corner. and i sent a card to my daddy too. i hope hes doing okay. i havent seen him. i dont really want to. but i wished him a merry christmas, and i told him a love him, cuz i do. i wished him the best of luck with everything :-D. but yeah i cant wait to learn! first year. yes! so yeah today was a lot of fun. tmw imma go shopping and get those pants. im hoping to do a lil shopping for myself as well, i need some sweaters, and i saw a cute hat i wanted. so yeah. and then monday im goin to work with joe some more cuz i wasnt quite done with done with what i was doing. when i get my license ill be able to go downtown and work for him whenever. so that will be some moola for me. but yeah on new years i gotta stay home and watch jeremy. hes chris's lil brother, and he jus came up from missouri to spend time with his family, and since my mom n joe are going to a party, they want me to babysit. so i kinda have to. but thats okay, cuz chris and jeff might stick around, which means they will have the alcohol, and i will have a kiss at midnight! i wanted to have a party at my house, but it turns out i gotta babysit. god damn it. but i was talkin to a frend of mines, and she went to a work christmas party, and she wont a gift certificate to a hotel for a night. isnt that awesome! im tryna have a party! she better save it for when i can kick it! i hope she does :-) but yeah the monday we get back to school were gunna hand out secret santa gifts. i allready know what imma get my SS. yes! i love makin people happy. but yeah i should go. i will update before the new year. yay for christmas!

a.m dizzle

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 05:35:25 GMT

yay for new LJ! nothing wrong with chicky_nugs, i jus want newness... hehe. im learnin a lot about lj n stuff, so im havin fun. but yeah ill mess with this some more and thewn update some more. :-D

a.m dizzle